Shortie: The Sadness Creeps

"The way you help heal the world is you start with your own family" Only sometimes, you can't.

Part of my Capi horoscope today: Consider that the reactions the people around you have to your life say more about their mind-set than they do about the validity of your existence.

Arrived this morning after an evening of internal struggles. Sharing my home and my property with someone who I know doesn't care for me but that I have been trying to love anyway. Knowing that there is a group that I would give just about anything to feel acceptance from because of the circumstance of my life right now...and that no matter what I do, say or how I respond to the vile behaviors - it will never be the "right" thing. I will always be someone who is too much...or not enough.

Try as I might, it bothers me. It exhausts me. It makes me sit in the quiet of my own home and contemplate what else I can or should do...when my friends tell me things like "just let it go", "Why are you so worried about people like that?" and "Don't give them space in your head." And I can do that, for a while...until another situation arises, a comment gets muttered or I am otherwise reminded that I am not worthy of a connection.

The lack of a relationship is a reflection on them, not me. But the hurt and sadness is all mine to find a way to manage. The self doubt - all mine too. Yep.

May your day be filled with nothing but joy and may you be surrounded by love and happiness today. I am off to find some of that for myself.