The Struggle Is Real

“Chase your dreams but always know the road that will lead you home again.”

I am here again. In this place of wanting to set up a home for my words. Where my writing can be valued and appreciated and not just hang stagnant on a wall somewhere in cyberland.

I wish to have a voice that is heard.

Words that are read.

A place where love and support are at the forefront of the wordy works.

Social media has lost its luster for me. The ease at which we give others access to our lives through the sharing of posts and photos. The ease with which we respond to comments without considering how our words impact others. Despite this, I can’t ignore that tiny whisper in my soul that wants to write and connect. So here I am. Again. Setting up a site. Filled with intentions and desires.

I no longer want to allow others to have power over me by giving them an intimate seat in the window of my life. I feel as though I need to find a way to claw my way back out of the tunnel I have been in for the past 15 years. Take back some of my privacy. Is that possible? Can’t we undo what we have been programmed to live for with our tethered lives?

I am damn sure going to try….and you fellow readers get THAT front-row seat. A bit ironic, isn’t it?

These past few months, I have been trying to decide how much of this part of my life I want to change. Today, I listened to a podcast and it was like a lightbulb lit up for me. Mel Robbins was the guest and she was talking about her latest book “Let Them”. I haven’t read the book yet however, after listening to the podcast today, it is next on my TBR list.

Mel brought up social media quite a bit during the podcast and one of her points that really stuck for me was when she spoke about what it means when we sit and contemplate our posts before sharing them. I used to consider that I was mindfully writing when I would take a pause, and retype/edit my posts before they went up. I thought I was being thoughtful with my intention when I would meticulously set up photos of my “moments” so I would have quality content……..today though, Mel mentioned that we do this because we are in fear of others not validating us or not liking us. If we indeed were posting to share our lives/our moments, we would want those posts to be authentic. It gave me pause.

What is the purpose of my posts? Why exactly am I spending so much energy creating posts for social media?

To align with where I hope to be I want to spend my energy writing more than a few sentences about my lunch. Which brings me to the quality and subject matter of my social feeds. Up until recently, I was only sharing snippets. A couple of sentences. A photo or two. But from those posts, there has been a fairly intimate look at my life. I shared everything we did. Thinking that because my pages weren’t open to public view, I was simply sharing my life with friends. Only…I realized this year that those superficial relationships where someone got snapshots of my life weren’t the ones I wanted to cultivate. Most on my feed were acquaintances and not close friends. Those relationships weren’t feeding my soul the same way deep relationships do. Why on earth was I spending so much time and energy on them then?

I stewed this over while running errands yesterday and in the quiet of my shiny new vehicle that we bought without sharing it with a soul (My first big thing that I didn’t run over to social feeds and share!) I decided that I was finally ready to change this part of my life.

I took a month-long social media hiatus in October last year. It was enlightening. Empowering even. During that month, I realized that the social circle that I had built up over the years on Facebook was mostly made up of people who were part of my life from a distance. The efforts I put into those relationships took me away from the relationships that were part of my intimate circle. The people who were with me in my trenches; the ones who actually show up for my life. I also had a handful with social media access that were there simply out of obligation on my part. They were family, and I didn’t want to confront them or explain why I didn’t want them in that part of my life if we saw each other - it was easier just to let them in. So I did.

When I actually looked at my friend list, there was only a handful of those people who were IN my life. Contributed to my joy. Showed up for me. Moving forward, THOSE are the relationships that I am going to work to build. Those people were going to get my energy and time.

Our weather here in North Florida is a bit chilly. The garden is sleeping. It’s a perfect time for me to make changes. Adjust. So that I don’t spend piles of energy in 2025 tip-toeing around people who are only in my outskirts.

It might have been the podcast during my drive. Perhaps it was my 54th birthday last week. It doesn’t matter what got through my stubborn head. I simply know that it’s time.