When Does This Happen

"If we have not quiet in our minds, outward comfort will do no more for us than a golden slipper on a gouty foot."

I went to dinner with a couple of friends this week. My sweet friend looked at me from across the table and told me that I looked peaceful. Glowing with peace. It lead to a conversation about how badly I have been struggling these past 2 years. I feel a bit like my life resembled a war zone of emotions. It’s not at all what I hoped to convey in my little world.

I don’t think any of us ever hope for struggles…or conflict.

I feel like this is why it felt so difficult to navigate. I vowed, years ago, to live my life with positivity. I hoped to inspire people to seek happiness, despite struggles. I wanted to be one of those humans who others WANT to be around. More importantly, I wanted my joy and happiness to be contagious. Only…these past couple of years, things have been so deeply ugly and that whole “Happy girl” thing that I strived for became almost impossible for me most days.

I got caught up in the yuck, if you will.